WORRY: Sketches of lost moments.

It is 6.37pm,31st, and definitely the last day of May the year 2020.. Seated on the balcony am I, as I listen to this South African hit by the late Oliver Mtukudzi, famous it is and I would rarely miss the insistent sad lyrics even in the deep of my sleep as the stringed harp hums almost welcomingly into my ears.

 

The fame of this Todii song, supposed to be a dirge, yet has trailed the confines of both households and public occasions precedes even the late musician himself. As I busk in the setting of the beautiful golden sun softly hitting gold on the distant walls and hills, I am drawn into contemplation within myself.

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Time has sure flown by so fast. Not that I even used most of it constructively to complain about the rush, no. In any case, I slept through almost half of it and then lazily woke up to my meditation. Laughable huh? Meditation after deep midday sleep that is. Well, the body called for it and who was I to deny it, you must indulge in unharmful vanities right?

 

So here I am thinking about the pace of time and how so often we are caught up in it. Deep within I feel content and almost calmingly at peace with myself. Not wanting to be controlled by the expectations of others but to derive full contentment from my position in this vast universe. Call it being selfish but in a way, it really defines my personality; not selfish per se but rather an act of self-love before pretending to love others yet I have no love within for even myself you see?

 

As the sun gives way to dusk in just over  11 mins from the moment I started typing this sketch, I thus realise how fast this illusion of time usually gets us caught up in its wake. We, just like the slaves of time that we have become, start rushing in such moments to get things done as we see the day draw away. Without notice or caution, we start worrying about all the unfinished business, which if asked in most cases we lack a clear definition of you know.

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rbt

Without any prior bells, worry sets in and rids us of this so precious moment we had all along and down the panic drain heads our thoughts as fear, of what I know not, crawls into our racing hearts.

 

I, on the other hand, have grown weary of the rush against time and though half my day drained in sleep, I know they say we should not sleep while alive as we will have most of that when dead and gone. Hold up a sec, I mean, who has ever died and came back to report about how life is after death? Noticed the irony in life after death? I mean, you can only enjoy what you feel and have, not what you know not about, right? So I chose to ride through the comfort of my sleep as with all honesty not everyone even has the luxury of this so having it, why throw it to the dogs.

 

I know you are wondering what point itches my knuckles at this point but that is the point. I mean, does everything in life has to always make sense? Why can’t we choose to enjoy every moment that comes our way and be grateful for just that? Why must we constantly ache our brains with worries of the failures tomorrow holds not knowing whether we even will be there to see them?

 

You understand what I am headed towards now, right? Worry as it is, reminds us of our prior failures and fills our hearts and minds of anticipated breakdowns of a future we know not about and in essence rids us of our very present joys. It does this in a very calibrated move called society’s expectations.

 

How this works is that at the back of your mind is a tag of what society expects of you with no leverages to get you to those expectations. Along with these expectations lurks a heavy cloud of impending ridicule and a downward spiral of doom if by ”bad luck” we attain not to these expectations. Without hence realising it, we find ourselves bypassing the little joys and lessons every failure could thus bring to set us with a stronger foundation of future successes and get broken and lost in that unattained future itself.

 

Looking up from my keyboard, the sun is far set in its race towards morning and the once looming dusk has grown into an embracing darkness, only driven away by little lanterns and flickering fireflies into the night. A Westward breeze brushes across my face and hence nose as if to keep pace with the already lost sun. With it, however, is an embrace of calm and deep-seated joy within my heart. I Am supposed to have finished reading through 25pages of ”Never Split the difference” but have I? Nope, have I wasted my day? not at all. I am however content that though the day is passed by so fast, I got reign of a moment in it and through these sketches enjoyed it into the dusk.

 

As I sip down this last drop of my already cold tea, may I sign off and allow you to also grasp a moment in the space of your existence, give glory to your Maker, and live it with every flow that it so brings. Remember that there lies no wasted moment in time, just remember to seize every little one availed your way.

 

PePa.

2 thoughts on “WORRY: Sketches of lost moments.

  1. Worries and societal expectations… Two things that a lot of us really struggle with. I love the piece. Gasping for more… Weird right?

    Liked by 1 person

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