Monthly Archives: April 2019

DAY HAZE: Sketches of serenity

Pin drop quiet,withdrawn into the back almost.Back of my mind that is.Even PePa my ardent and loyal companion can’t find me in there Today.The serenity is overwhelming,almost selfish if not lonesome.

This is the kind of peace you long for when you have had that back to back painstakingly long day(like your day just got more than the average 23.57 hours,haha): You actually thought a day is an exact 24hours?Oops! Can either be 23.57 or 24.03hours.

It drags along and you can almost hear it mock at you.Tell you how little or no control you got over it but to endure each screaming second.

The seconds and minutes have thus dragged by into minutes and I bet hours as here I find myself,twelve straineous hours passed by!It is unimaginable to say the least..must have been a traumatic day huh?More like I din’t see this day ever ending.But it did!Scarily but sure happened,like the end of a scary Halloween movie.

Finding myself leaning back on my black plastic coffee seat I put my hands to my itchy neck .Not really neck.I think English terms it the nape of the neck,the junction between the joining of the ear-lobe to the back end of the jaw-line.

Apparently a soft touch and caress to this portion of my body has always brought so much calm to my entire nerve system.Makes me close my eyes in utter surrender and utmost relaxation as I hear each portion of the nervous system call to the other to come attend the spa.Spur of the moment I presume,huh?

If only my previous partner knew this we would never have had those lengthy arguments,blame it on poor communication though…I called it the sketches of distorted love in one of my earlier posts based on poor communication.

https://pepasketches.wordpress.com/2019/02/21/social-interactionssketches-of-distorted-love/

I am however not complaining,no,not at all.In fact I am seated here wondering why I yearned so much for this peace and freedom from all my daily hustle.Why I even look forward to the end of a straineous and overwhelming day,like it would actually take me to heaven(I mean sometimes it actually feels like it does,take me to heaven that is).Loads more on why I always have to ensure everything is and stays perfect.I mean,to what end?

PePa thus answers with a spit of ink and jot therefore,”For peace and tranquil in a casing of utmost serenity,right?” She smiles back at me with a winning smile,more like Kelvin’s effortless smile from the sketches of withdrawal Yesterday.

But once you have attained all these,what do you then do with it?Trample on others with your peace,huh?I for all honesty lack a clear answer to this very question as it cascades through.To some extent though,I find serenity selfish.

Why for instance,should some have it while others strain almost their entire lives to attain unto it?Like why should one work so hard and yet another eats the fruits of his or her labour in serenity’s name?I mean I could be paranoid or even oblivious about what am asking but just let me ask as clarity is a medicine to the bones.

Fault me not however,sometimes my mind wanders;call me a discrete wanderer if you may.Peril is on Pepa who has to walk with me and offer no advice in most cases,loads of reprieve however with her sullen spit of ink upon dots of paper.

Wait a moment though,the amount of calm this end of day has brought however,it makes me feel like all my sorrows in this age are brought to naught.Like I already got into heaven.Beauty is that I can share it,I can give me in return and make another smile.Am feeling Mother Teresa right now,like we having a candid charity conversation,not chastity,O I would terribly fail in this second one am sure.

Now I see it,now my blind is washed away.I can place a hold onto it…even a touch.Serenity’s beauty only lies in sharing.In sharing this moment with another,as it is only a moment hence it all fills up in relishing every tick that toks by…..

Sips tea.

PePa.

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DAY HAZE: Sketches of withdrawal pt2

Today he came back,with more vybe than he left Yesterday.He afforded a smile,deep and almost sincere,haha.Like he had practiced on it over and over again to perfection.It was or rather looked effortless,like it had been rehearsed both before a mirror and a Roman arena.

Looking at him today,it reminded me of the song No Surprise by Chris Daughtry .By now you should have well gathered that am an ardent Chris Daughtry rock fan.I think they sing rock,some would call it pop but honestly am no music student to be able to easily distinguish between music genres.

Thing is he does it for me when it comes to a drive song,a lullabye ,a break up or even apology song…or an am so in love with you right now song…you see?It all works for me.

In his song he says,”I’ve practised this for hours,going round and round,and I think that have got it all down,and as I say it louder I love how it sounds…”

So he stands right there and shares his usual Halo with all enthusiasm and gest to it.His energy as always is amazing and I must admit that even on a dull day he makes the gloomy clouds wave away leaving a blue sky behind.

Or more still all fog along his path clears for vision as he walks by.A friend actually complained that I killed him in Yesterday’s sketches and ruminations.Question is,”How do you honestly kill Kelvin?” He is like the proverbial cat with nine lives.He goes and comes back at will and only leaves when he wants to.You could call security on him and they will all be on his side.Whoever heard of a dead Kelvin?excuse me! He is here today.

He comes to review if yesterday’s trail got me home but he has more energy than I can sustain and so I have to lose him for now.

Back to the day haze from yesterday as I was lost in the darkness of day.Lost in Tomorrow,Today,Mahatma Gandhi called it worrying and not living in the moment.

With two things in my mind,”What if I don’t manage and how possibly can I manage?” I was all but lost in myself,palm implanted on my ruddy cheeks.Ruddy is actually good at my age,makes me feel almost sixteen.

Here I was,with thoughts of solutions that breeded to no result other than depression and withdrawal.No subsequent solution was in view as I recall the departure of Kelvin and the entry of Betty yet I had not really put my finger if not toe to it.

Throwing in the towel,I left off my whiles and worries to ride up that lofty treacherous path as I attended to matters at hand which I quite solved handily.

That was Yesterday and Today is here.Most amazing thing is I am not dead.Remember Chao in the movie “Hangover”,after having a crazy night out with the boys,he asks the other guy,”You had a bad day,did you die?” Always found it quite humorous and years down,that statement as hilarious as it sounded still makes quite some sense.

Lost in deep thoughts I was last evening,with big sums of money and castles all riddled up in my minds formation.How to get it and when I din’t honestly know but truth be told to date I haven’t come up with the answer.

Back to now,this call that I din’t want comes through and I have yet another visage to solve,solution as always is to cough up more and more is the juice I am in dire need of.Thank heavens God’s favour runs deep and time,that precious jewel that everyone so desires but gets non is what I earn in my opinion.At this point I feel like am holding onto no silver but an amazing shiny diamond coated golden platter.

Hence I now calmly ask myself,”Why was I worried and consumed so much energy stressing over an issue I had no absolute control or solution to?”I should just have let it stop bothering me and enjoy the moment I was in including Kelvin’s annoying but O so welcome company with distractions,huh?

From thence I thus recoil from my daytime haze and decide to seize this moment in action.Call it a moment in beauty,a second or two in joy.Maybe I could practise that same infectious silly smile Kelvin has and infect myself.Maybe always walk with my heart high,I think it is head high but I think it matters not now.

To my friend Boneya,your pal Kelvin came back today and refused to leave.He doesn’t like living tomorrow I guess as he knows he must enjoy today.Such a jolly good fella I must admit.Drew me back from my withdrawals and haze in daylight.

Let me not miss this beautiful scent filling my air(man I love the scent of night plants) as the sun bids me night and sets yonder into Tomorrow hoping its heat brought warmth to my Today.

PePa

DAY HAZE:sketches of withdrawal.

Am seated right here,legs stretched and crossed straight away from me.Picture this,seated on a plastic stool legs crossed on a wasted office seat…not that any of that vividness counts as I lean onto this metallic wall.No,not at all.

It is the lack of comfort that draws my senses to reason.Lack that has been drawn from the elements,reason being that this same lack of comfort has become the same comfort that so puts the mind at ease.

A paradox in itself.

Wish it wasn’t so comfortable being uncomfortable.Just like you are trying to wonder to what end all this explanation is leading us to this very moment.Be at ease though as PePa will have to strain harder to get us home.Wish I could be part of these sketches,not that there is a way I could escape it as it draws all of us into it one way or the other.

I strain with all of me not to put my hands to the chin;to now as we know,at least in Africa,this would always mean a sign of deep thought or in most cases depression and withdrawal.Deep thought I would opt for as depression is another whole scary level.One I would be so cautious not to delve into.O the scare of me.

Kelvin walks in and says a candid halo which we jovially respond to with an enthusiastic,”Niaje Kevo?” Swahili for,”How are you Kelvin?” I must admit sometimes these casual guys bring in the most amazing smiles on a boring slow and unprecedented day.

In a streak of time my mind strays off and I stray off to thoughts of which I may not be clear about as reason fails me and am in my wonder of thoughts,or is it thoughts of wonder?Am tripping if not trailing into the dark by day.

He stares my way and notices the distant thoughts,gayly draws me back with silly conversation that steals my smile to the present.A present that is too empty for comfort.I for honesty’s sake can’t recall the last time I lost track of time or comfort of presence as I am right now,but for some strange reasons there is peace in that oblivion.More like a mind block,if such a thing ever existed.Heard it once in every while and Today,it sure makes some cryptic sense.

Mind block;mmmh,reminds me of a piece I recently read,written by a candid soft spoken writer called Rukshiscribbles,name of writer,hahahah,article was something in the lines of…eerrr…yep,”Once upon a daze” .Quite catchy I must admit,drew my eye balls out there sockest and then went right ahead to glue them to her piece.

Well,here I am,mind on block and it feels peaceful.

Beautiful piece it was about this little mother-loving daughter who loses her precious mother at 25,draws into self and ends up in depression.Nope,that ain’t me Today but the depression after withdrawal bit sounds scary…Asked her to finish the narration as I would love to know what happens to our beloved Dwisha in this tale that sounds almost true rather than fabbled.

Kelvin goes on his way and jokingly states that he has let me continue in my trespass onto uncharted treads.A near drift into another day darkness ensues and is interrupted by yet another friend…O buddy,won’t you let a man kill himself in the dreams of the day?Like allow him to swing high into the sky and drop dead in the middle of his fall?

But what are friends for if not for such dreadful moments?

So here I am again and once again I grow wary of that draw into the darkness of day,one I presume most of us find themselves in every so often.

Hey buddy,drop it off now….

PePa.

THE BALCONY: Sketches into the dark pt2

Lying on this soft leather sofa,

My gaze gets lost into the sky

As the clouds give way for the darkness

No struggle seen to ensue

No battle to win tonight

As the grey clouds give way for the starry heavens

A wave of blue sweeps through

And my little twinkly friends come into play

They never make much of a sound

Just a rhyme in my younger years

Twinkle twinkle little stars

How I wonder what you are

Up above the sky so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Diamonds huh?I wish these were as real as in that song

Tiny and little they might look

But not compared to the passion they evoke

No relation to the fire they burn

Up in their uniform constellations

Behind they leave a streak of fire

Only calmable by the warmth of another

The partner constellation they swept in their wake.

Oh balcony;you will be the fire of me.

PePa

A SIMPLE RECIPE: the sketches of hunger

The mix is extremely intriguing

A throw of onions

Charred by the oil

Amidst cluster of garlic

Crushed in a fight

Of mortar and pestle

Envisioned in my mind

Is an art of delicacy

Spiralled by hunger

So deep engorged

I could miss the browning of

The onions oiled in heat

So a little pepper and green bell

I could have missed the red and yellow

But the flavour is not far fetched

As a little dice of potatoes

Inch closer in absorption

Of all flavours in spices

Oooh the invention of spices

A hail to the Arabs and Indians

Ashore our land who brought in

Before I lose my taste

Let me indulge in this

Beautifully delicious Kenyan

Spray of beauty and juice.

Welcome to dinner

PePa

Versatile blogger awards. – The Introspective Scribbler

https://theintrospectivescribbleronline.wordpress.com/2019/04/11/versatile-blogger-awards/

The ambitious blogger thought and deemed me worthy of such a beautiful honour,beautiful poems she writes and I love how she engages my senses with nature and everything around.You should visit her blog and enjoy the amazing poems she oozes….I wonder where she scribbles though cuz I’ve never seen her do that on my sketch board….I mean..her flow is devoid of flaws guys….visit her site and see what she oozes here

I forgot the rules but my post displays the results;advantages of being a blogger…hahahahπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈ

About me;

1 Am an optimist

2 I love good food

3 I love cooking

4 I love the outdoors

5 am an ambivert

6 I love seeing the good in everyone

7 Don’t mess with me.I will love you in hate.

I nominate these for this prestigious sweet share.

1 thatambitiousintrovert

2 Summitofficial

3 Fab Writings

4 Alishia

5 Zealous Homo sapiens

6 simple Ula

7 Paul Sunstone

SKETCHES OF ENCOUNTER : A walk through the alley pt2.

Every encounter is worth a sketch as no day is worth missing.Maybe I could come up with an entire book of sketches.They call it a sketchbook huh?Sketch or scrap,sometimes I think it all means the same,just like scraps or crumbs;you see I still wade the same spaces right?

All these thoughts waded and flooded through my mind as I gazed into my prior days,days that soon transformed into a month,I would be a liar if I lengthened this as you know by now lies do drain all my energies into the nethers.

“You should write a book,”they said,”maybe do a whole combination of short stories or scrap stories you know?Such good juice is too much to let drain down the garter.” All the time no word she said did I hear even a single syllable,hear maybe I did but listen I din’t as my whole essence was drained into her being.God give me grace to be a good listener.

Most times I interrupted her,when overwhelmed by all that energy she oozed.

I was never a fan of energies;never believed much in them,most times David my friend told me about Alchemy and all that energy siphoning craze I would always reply with a ,”Yes,yeah,oh of course,I understand.Yes totally,that is true you know?But little did I bear that in mind.

I could be a poor listener but I remember a law he taught me and it stated something like,”If you want something so much from the universe the whole universe conspires to give it to you!”

Wow!That was deep! And now as I stare at them,my friend across the table I find myself rudely interrupting them,though out of compulsion because at this point I felt like the universe had called onto all its elements and the more she opened that beautiful mouth the more the elements cheered in a hum of victory.

Victory to what though?

Can you just shut up please sweetheart?” I remember calmly telling her with a smile on mine,”I am a bit overwhelmed at this point!” She casually leaned in and smiled patiently,almost with a blush on her lusciousness,as if she knew exactly what she was doing.

Back in retrospect though,what did I want so much from the universe?It owed me nothing in my mind yet deep within lay this sense of un-accomplished goals,but this was never a goal,the type you say I want to get married at the age of 22&1/2 years to this drop dead gorgeous runway model,no,or when am 23 &1/4 years I will have started my multibillion dollar company,or when I clear campus I want to run a fleet of boda-bodas or a bakery!! No,this was a deeper rooted desire and longing to do something positive to another human or with another human,not that the others weren’t positive but to me this was more authentic.

I may not even make sense to you or to PePa but even I get drawn in at times.

Truth is in my intensity I saw the need that one person made happy from my sincerity meant much more than a thousand others displeased by my openness,that if I could satisfy one human then it din’t matter the thousands who sneered at me.Like this one would perfect the physics of the water droplet ripple effect.

Yes,I mean boom! This made sense.

No I will not do a collection of the short stories I responded,I believe if this year gives we could do a compilation of our story…..

Okay,I don’t know if I said that but I think it all danced and mused all in my subconscious…like it was the perfect answer,nope not answer,the truth in play;I mean this year has had quite its drift on me and this couldn’t get worse now,could it.

I never believed in the cosmos either,thank God it sounds better in a conversation.But right now,right now it played quite catchy in my mind.If I would I would have given credit to them but my stars got nothing to do with beauty,beauty however I have so believed is designed by the Creator himself,and the cosmos added to this beauty He created.

So not to be selfish I let her go on in her musings,not knowing whether I should be part of it or if I was not meant to be apart of it.Quite confusing but when I chose to be completely quiet and an ardent listener she pouted at me.

Her birthday by the way is long passed during the silence that was,no expectations from her however,she is a classic African woman,the one who holds you down beyond your wildest expectations.Just finished reading bikozulu’s blog on “What happens when Boss lady calls you” not a fan of long reads but that lady at the end of this narration fully described my companion Today and maybe more….

More because PePa may allow me to finish the narration in the next blog post about the same.

Truth is if I compiled all about it in this one sitting I may not portray the whole perfection,and also I need to gather a little durst on her,I mean let’s be honest,I hate perfection,a little imperfections into it would make it a worthy description.

A worthy disclaimer though,whichever man marries this lass is gonna be one lucky blessed bastard.

Till we sketch again PePa.

PePa.

The sketches of you.

No you don’t have to be deep as I am

Not at all cryptic

Your mere essence is inspiration on its own

Your smile is a pace maker for my heart and starter to my rhythm

Your sketches are the action to my PePa

No I can’t take the credit,that is selfish and rude

You may not know it but it is written along the strands of your curls

All softly tucked back in the folds of your pony knot

It glides along the breaks of your skin and is safely hid among the knuckles of your soft slender fingers

There in those brown glassy eyes I could find me,

I need no persuasion,no encouragement

Thank you for making the weak of me

THESE SKETCHES OF YOU ARE PULLING ME DEEPER.

THESE STREETS AIN’T LOYAL;the sketches and perils of a Nairobi inhabitant pt3

It lies deep within the cycles.

Caught up in the wake of your daily hustles,you can almost smell it but most times it seems so out of reach.Yes you reach out with your hands into the darkness but there find no hope to hold onto.

Daytime must and should hence bring more hope with the dawning of the dark giving way to the hope of a new beginning,all wrapped and embodied in the warmth of the rising sun.

A look into the horizon and a taste of hope lies somewhere in this thick morning dew mixed with durst.Durst picked up from the sorrows of Yesterday.Sorrows I may not miss as this has become a mainstay in my tread this late of days.Well,a little hope can be found thus in this new start I presume.up and off my knees from whispering my faith in prayer I am out to sniff the promise in this air thickened from Yester-evening and dewed through the night.

Well,fault me naught in the art of pessimism but allow my sorrows to while up as I find myself in the tirade,a tirade I did not choose but was burdened upon my already weak and slumping shoulders by society;a society I could actually choose to run away from but has thus bridled all my efforts from childhood.

Not to point fingers but how do you run away from a system already engraved into you from birth,right from the cutting and burying of your umbilical cord,burying to prevent evil spirits from taking and controlling the better of you,if only I knew it was the burying of all my dreams and aspirations at that tender unnamed age then I would have unearthed it and burnt it myself.

Burnt it myself I wish I did along with the stereotypes placed in me of this and that culture being out of bounds and up the stream having to pick options along the way that were throated down my closed mouth.No,still I ain’t complaining as here I find myself in the middle of these streets,a beautiful and in another day promising 8th of April.Here in this heat high above yet it seems quite low this very hour,peering through the crowd of let me call them Nairobi hustlers as the name has over such a short period gained its straining but powerful essence to reckon.

I can’t miss the pieces and sketches all along my wake,sweat raking from the hustle remains strained in the atmosphere as all the carts and trolleys have to be pushed or pulled through the city.

Don’t bypass that cart full of onions from Marikiti along Moi Avenue street,he gets stopped by city council askaris for getting too deep into the Central Business District,mmmmhhh,he should have taken a longer round trip out the city to stop making the city look dirty,huh?

Blame the cart guy for poor planning of the city I suppose?Hahahahah…still am not pointing no fingers.He has to pay a fine for his ‘folly’ though,I wish it was his in the first place.

So it thus dawns on me that whether high ranking or low in this streets,your pocket speaks louder than your voice or rights,Phewks!!!!

How about I ask for services at a Cyber Cafe within town?Wish I din’t have to as all attendants are multitasking and getting eye contact for quality conversation is but a pricey affair,quality comes at a cost I presume,huh?A little backlash is meant to upset my belly but not Today,my omens are all but in a good tirade this day so I will bypass the arrogance.It is a big city and asking for qualified services isn’t too much to ask for.

Sweat breaks off my back as systems have to be run by the offices and a try at digitization is all but a fantasy far in the skies.As the golden eagle races down to pluck the hair from among the prevailing thickets up in the icing Tundra so does this beautiful fantasy remain.

A fantasy to kill waste of time and speed up processes when systems used in earlier days of growing economies,now dilapidated and dumped at our shores become the growth we preach.

No no one is at fault but me and you as we watch these lies shoveled into our already thirsty throats and in turn receive them with hero worship and blinded sycophancy.

So for this day to save time and yield fruit it can only be hastened by an expression of haste and a flip of brown notes through folded fingers in acts of gratitude,gratitude to a failing system and gratitude to my ailing pockets.

Yes,time must remain of essence as it is the saving grace and germinator of more prospects,prospects which must not be thus derailed by our failing systems,huh?True to its juice and flow,the hustle remains a hustle lying deep within the cycles,lost in it and becoming a daily struggle for this periled Nairobi inhabitant.

I still hope and pray the juice will come through as bureaucracy loses hold of stay;throwing in systems to quip and functionalities bricked to form.

This is a beautiful Monday 8th of April,enter the sketches of Nairobi…the perils of a Nairobi inhabitant.It lies deep within the cycle…..

PePa.