This is a beautiful day,calm and filled with all manner of peace and with it a whole sense of understanding in the air,at least in my opinion it is.12.20pm,calm an afternoon it is to love and for lovers to make love.For friends to sit,chat and catch up on even.
Above all though,in it lays a sense of tranquil and call for understanding.A presence of air to listen to one another,relieve memories and forgive each other’s shortcomings and misunderstanding.
Am tempted to relay the ruminations from the previous night but O that would be a tale of hurts and bile.Just a bit of the same though is a fluid of negative thoughts,a break of heart and sink in joy.O how does one find better words to relay such pain unless they use curse words?But that would drain a whole lot of energy off my shell as there is non more left within right now.
The walls crumble to breaks and bricks jolt in a jest of disintegration.The once strong foundation is shattered,thanks to the once frame of steel that still holds it to its knees,a hope of reconstruction for the same.Not that the same thought held any water last night.
The tales pillows could tell with pay alongside would sure pay bills and water irrigation schemes.
Back to my present however is a complete picturesque,an ambiance to love and be loved,by who though is the question,hahaha,heart can’t help but breath a laugh of resignation to fate.
Today though the heavens speak a different language,of warmth and softness in the flow of air.An utter push to hug and let go of past sorrows.An entirety of amnesia to things past and an eventual growth of things present….
The calm is extreme and almost draws me into itself.Makes me forget all my mistakes and the pains that so creep the dark shadows of the mind.An insistent urge to let out all the crawls within the soul hence takes centre front.
See,I could have become accustomed to the deep pushes and strokes within my mind.You know what though?Today is not the same as everyday,it’s not an ordinary day.Today I feel free,almost somehow released from the pressures within.I could take on the whole world with a single whoop.I don’t even feel like just taking in everything as I have always done,no.
Today,right here in this atmosphere I feel alive.A pointer that could mean the last of me but still the same that could mark the beginning of a new Tomorrow.It is a flirt with fate I must admit.
So I don’t want to hold back anything,nothing is forbidden anymore as the heart comes alive in this moment.Nothing is wrong and neither is anything evil Today.
At this very moment it all dawns on me that nothing lasts forever hence I should ultimately and without care seize the day and moment as it comes.I realise I can only live right now and be me for Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
All else gives way as heart once heavy beats hard under breath,letting all rage if ever there was build up into release.A release that with it brings a flow of peace within,and sure glow of countenance without.
See I have let much take control of me,every other control what I do or how am supposed to feel,building up into a constant shove.Will I for once be able to live without this fear of disappointing one,two or more others,or having to live up to their expectations?Most times yeah I find myself in this predicament and you too am sure PePa lover find yourself in that valley often.
I remember a friend once telling me not so long in the past,they said that in every step and action course I take I gotta love me,and in so doing not let any other one change the person that I really am.Made me mooshy and feeling aaaaw!!that is so sweet.
Back to my spot though,all these events flowing in like a flood can in instances present work so hard inside to kill the only human left inside of you.
So if amma hold the inside me sane then that means that all the flood of inconsistency and uncertainty has to find a tributary without.Leaves me as the sole orchestrator and proprietor of the same .For a moment I felt like Odili in Chinua Achebe’s A man of the people saying those words.Remember Odili Samalu,the one Edna told was eating hills like yams?Am sure some of you are lost at this point and even PePa stares at me blankly.Read the narrative guys,a pack of work in one small book of an hundred plus pages.
I remember a statement,beautiful in fact that he once said,that a man who evades danger for a long time and then ends up being killed has wasted his care.That directly means that if am to have peace with the person that I have always been then I need to allow all negative flow within me energy out and in retrospect not lose mine own self.
Today therefore,am going to be me and live it like my last.Speaking of which,I have no assurance of Tomorrow so,I will seize it and in it live with no regrets.I will not let Yesterday kill me,I will forgive myself and in this day enjoy every second.After all,I only have me to blame for every mistake and the same me to enjoy every achievement so why lean on my darkside neglecting the glow on me.
Still my mistakes don’t condemn me,no,they only help me grow.
So,yes PePa,I can only seize this day and let it be my best,in process I can watch my sketches build into a ball of amazing joy and personality.